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:iconthe-upward-glance: More from the-upward-glance


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October 7, 2012
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Lonely nights
stir acidic tides in one's stomach–
which all the more hungers,
draw forlorn tears to the eyes–
which have seen far too much.

Young, covetous,
but denied;
forever seized betwixt the concepts twain
of reality, and impulse vain.
Tossing, turning, he weaves sheets.

Take steeled hammer and bitter fist
against the pillars of decency.
Already crumbling under the weight
of such scorned beneficence that blooms hate,
they buckle and fall.

Suffering silence,
he hears the unrelenting clamor
of his dolorous, faded heart–
pleading for but a spark,
with expectation of none.

What defense can be wrought
against the thunderous imperatives
of lascivious veins, carnality?
Human! decried freely,
as if the base could betide Nature.

Not a boy, not yet a man,
he straddles the gap of experience
with a tremulous thirst.
His heaving chest, bathed in sweat,
overflows with self-love.

Aim for the sainted stars,
the stainless moon–
curse and blaspheme the heavens
while sublimating to the Earth's hold.
Be warmed, Cherished Child; return.

His palm produces no fortune but his own,
unfolding along rigid Lust.
Choked sobs, teethed lips:
no longer in sadness, but the Reason of his hips.
Salacious and ravenous–bittersweet deliverance.

A tree may fall without sound
in the midst of a dying forest.
The songs of the swallow
may flow through eternity unheard.
But consummation pierces the veil.

Stained, yet not regretting,
he spills his innocence.
In neither plea, nor apology:
to Loneliness, his lover, he screams, "Yes!"
A slave claiming the Master's reigns.

Naked, unafraid,
upon the holy ground laid,
rise, god among men.
For he who holds his ego proudly in hand,
knows no hurt.
The subject matter should be obvious.


Written: 9/8-9/30/12
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:icondragonia27:
I like the pacing and flow of it. With the use of the older words, it seems a little more otherworldly. I like it.:)
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:iconjohnthedragon:
johnthedragon Oct 7, 2012  Student Writer
Nice poem! :D I especially liked the end; however, in "forever seized betwixt the concepts twain
of reality," and "as if the base could betide Nature," the usage of twain and betide seem incorrect. Perhaps they are not, but they just confused me as I read.
Other than that, well done! :iconluvluvplz:
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:iconthe-upward-glance:
I appreciate the feedback.

Nah, they're correct. I wouldn't use them if I didn't know how to do so. "Twain" merely is an archaic form of "two," and thus the "the concepts twain of reality and impulse vain" would read "the concepts two (or two concepts) of reality and impulse vain." As for betide, it's another word for befall. They are more antiquated words, and usage of them is a stretch to some. However, in terms of the lines' melody, to me they were appropriate.

If you paid that much attention to my diction, you really deserve thanks. : )
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:iconjohnthedragon:
johnthedragon Oct 7, 2012  Student Writer
Kewl :D
Yeah, I know what they mean, and I get what you were trying to say- just it was slightly unclear (due to the structure of the sentence.) I guess I've just had so many instructors give warnings about clarity that I overthink it :shrug:
to each his own- I liked the poem :nod: And :iconclapplz: to you for using archaic words (and not attacking me for the criticism) ^^;

Thanks for sharing :D
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:iconkagekabuki:
kagekabuki Oct 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Very nice! I love it!
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